Mercy Road Daily Prayer & Bible Reading ~ Friday, May 4, 2012
~ Read Numbers 19-20

The LORD said to Moses, “Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.” So Moses took the staff from the LORD’s presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, “Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank. But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.” ~ Numbers 20:7-12

Lord God,

I know that I am sinful. I recognize that I am selfish. I understand that I’m unfit to be in your presence, but I confess that despite my awareness of these truths about myself, I still don’t grasp the full gravity of guilt. I don’t truly understand the depth of my depravity, or the wickedness of my ways in light of your perfection, holiness, and justice; for, if I did, surely I would understand you better. Certainly, I’d have a greater appreciation for the way you respond to my sin; however, as it is, when I read your word, sometimes your punishments seem rather harsh.

Though I recognize that you are never vindictive or unfair, but always righteous and just, when I see how you discipline your people when they rebel, and disobey you, I’m tempted to think otherwise. I’m tempted to see you as petty and cruel. I’m tempted to think of you as quick, tempered and unkind. I’m tempted to believe that you really don’t love your people at all. I’m tempted to believe these things, because I don’t want to accept the gravity of my guilt. I don’t want to acknowledge the severity of my sin. I don’t want to admit that any amount of lust in my heart, any amount of greed, any amount of gossip, envy, hypocrisy, or pride, taints everything about me, from my actions and words, to my motives and thoughts. Any amount of selfishness, rebellion, or disobedience in my heart makes me an imperfect being in the hands of a perfect God.

I hate admitting that, Lord, because I know what it means. It means you owe me nothing, because that’s what I deserve; and it forces me, a prideful, self-righteous, stubborn fool, to rely on your grace, your mercy and love. I know that should be a relief to me, and to some, I’m certain that it is, I suppose, unfortunately, Lord, as you know, I’m a control freak, so it makes me uncomfortable to rely on anyone.

I want to do it myself. I want to rely on no one. I want to be my own person and prove how strong I am, because if I must rely on your grace and mercy for my forgiveness and salvation, then much to my chagrin, instead of you owing me, I owe you. I owe you a debt I cannot repay. I owe you worship, and honor, and praise. All that I have, and all that I am, I owe you my service, loyalty and love. Since my forgiveness and salvation are totally dependent upon you, and the sacrifice Jesus made for on the cross, I owe you my obedience, because that’s what you deserve, and that’s how I’m called to demonstrate my love.

Forgive me, gracious God, when I rebel against your word, and refuse to obey your will. Forgive me when I make myself god, and do my own thing, because I don’t want to submit to you. Forgive me, and help me to obey, so that others can see my love for you, and learn about your grace.
In Jesus holy and wonderful name I pray.

Amen.